Undergear
by wookie
Summary: Lana and Chloe check the mail. Hilarity ensues


Title: Undergear  
  
Author: Wookie  
  
Email: wook1013@gwu.edu  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: Dude, if they were mine, this kinda stuff would happen all the time. But noooooo…they aren't. And neither is Undergear. Such a pity.  
  
Author's Note: Okay honestly, I must blame a whole bunch of people for this: Miss Windy, Cyb, Siskodax, Kathe, and Farkinator. Thank you for appreciating the…erm…"wonder" that is Undergear. Truly the funniest people ever.  
  
  
  
***  
  
Chloe was uncomfortable. She hated it because she was in her room, the Torch office, the only place in the whole school where she was never uncomfortable. But there it was. Tension.  
  
She looked sideways again, and there Lana was, working on her latest article. For some reason, Chloe was never able to really work on the paper when Lana was in the room. Maybe it was the tension thing. It was the third time that she had used a computer in the room to work on an article and Chloe was hit with the same problem every time.  
  
She would stare at the screen. And nothing would happen. Nothing would come out from her brain. This time Chloe decided to be smart about it. If she couldn't write anything then she could always catch up on the little things that needed to be done.  
  
Like checking the mail. Which was piled up on the desk in the back. She hated reading the mail for the paper. Other than the amusing poorly spelled letters from jocks – like the one she got last time saying she was a mean *fridgid* bitch – it was all things like ad contracts and the like. It was necessary but boring.  
  
Chloe grabbed the pile and dragged it back to her desk. She started sorting through the mail, making three basic piles: newspaper stuff, pissed off students, and stuff to throw away.  
  
How sad, she thought to herself. Only two letters in the pissed off student pile.  
  
She was getting to the end of the pile when something caught her eye.  
  
What the hell?  
  
Oh my god.  
  
  
  
Lana looked up from where she was working when Chloe's first shriek rang out. She jumped out of her seat and rushed over to Chloe by the second one.  
  
"Chloe? Are you okay?"  
  
Chloe looked up at her, her mouth partially open. She took a shaky breath in and then let it out with a loud laugh. "Oh my god," she said and then started laughing again.  
  
Lana gave the blonde a strange look and then turned around to go back to her computer. She was stopped when Chloe cried out "Oh Christ!" and started laughing again.  
  
Lana stood still for a second, then turned back and headed for Chloe. She gave her a questioning look and waited for the giggling to die down.  
  
  
  
Seeing the confused look on Lana's face, Chloe took a deep breath and tried to stop laughing. Nope. Not working. Instead she just pointed to the source of her fun and sat back in her chair, trying to breathe normally.  
  
She watched as Lana's eyes widened.  
  
"What *is* this?" she asked, incredulous.  
  
"This, Lana, is a respectable catalogue. Of men's clothing."  
  
"Respectable," she parroted.  
  
"Uh huh. Why? Something wrong?"  
  
"Chloe, look at these pictures!"  
  
With that, Chloe could no longer keep a straight face. "I can't believe they print this stuff." She pointed to a *very* exposing thong bathing suit and started to cackle.  
  
Lana looked quickly at the picture, and then looked at Chloe, a blush staining her face. "Oh my God," she said with wide eyes.  
  
Chloe quickly grabbed the catalogue and flipped to the second page. Then she started to cackle again. "God, look at the unitard! Jesus! You can see everything. Everything."  
  
Lana started to giggle, particularly when Chloe started to flip through the pages and make comments. Nearly every page was filled with pictures of men in bathing suits and underwear. And every single guy was…. engorged.  
  
"Can you imagine these photo shoots?" Chloe said, with tears in her eyes.  
  
Lana turned the page and started to laugh loudly when she saw a guy in…well she guessed they were underwear. Looked more like a coffee filter with some thread keeping it on the model's body. A particularly thin coffee filter. When she relayed that image to Chloe, the blonde howled in laughter.  
  
Chloe pointed to a picture of a man in "biking shorts." She snorted, "Yeah this is for the man who wants to be able to bike and show off his assets at the same time. There are so few clothes that really do that."  
  
Lana's face turned red as she laughed. Chloe couldn't help it. When Lana pointed out a picture, and the rather strangely broad smile of the man in it, she couldn't help it. She started laughing so hard that she fell off her chair.  
  
Lana tried to help her up, but she herself was laughing uncontrollably, and ended up on the floor. Luckily, the catalogue came down with her.  
  
Lana looked at the last page, where…ahem…happy men played in the surf with each other. "Oh my god! This is awful and yet...I can't take my eyes off the pictures."  
  
"It's like a particularly well-hung car crash," Chloe said quickly through her giggling.  
  
Lana grabbed her stomach and doubled over. "Well-hung…." she trailed off, unable to get the air to finish the statement. Both girls sat on the floor, laughing, until they heard the unmistakable sound of the door opening.  
  
Chloe heard Clark call out and she grabbed the catalogue quickly, and slid it across the floor so it ended up under the desk.  
  
Clark walked over to find Lana and Chloe sitting on the floor next to each other, faces red and breath labored. And then he saw what they were glancing at. The catalogue hiding under the desk. Shit. He quickly blushed and looked away. "Sooo…what's going on?" he asked uncomfortably.  
  
Chloe snorted and looked at her flustered friend. "Nothing much. Just sharing some…insights to the male..erm…mind."  
  
Lana looked at Chloe and giggled. "Really, Clark, Chloe and I were just talking about things."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Of course," Chloe said with a smile. "So, what did you need?"  
  
"Erm…nothing. Just coming in to pick up my...ummm...I mean to see what you were doing.. But I…uh…better go." Clark answered quickly and left the room flustered and hunched over bit.  
  
Chloe and Lana looked at each other as he left.  
  
"Was that…?" Chloe asked with wide eyes.  
  
"Do you think that was….?" Lana asked with the same expression.  
  
They both stared at each other for a second, and started laughing uproariously.  
  
"Unitard?" Lana asked with a giggle.  
  
"Oh you know it." Chloe said nodding her head emphatically. She got up to get the catalogue, so she and Lana could pick out Clark's next birthday present.  
  
***  
  
The End.  
  
A/N: Thanks to Cyb and Tressie for the quick beta. Damn they are good. 


End file.
